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Press Fibs About Wikileaks’ Assange Ignore Iguana

A list of filthy, nasty stories about Julian Assange has been e-mailed to journalists around the the globe from the Wikileaks Corporation. Newspapers and chat-show hosts are being enjoined not to tell these tales, lest they risk a libel suit.

Oddly, one of the most persistent rumors is nowhere on the e-mailed list. That concerns Assange’s pet iguana, which escaped from the Ecuadoran embassy two years ago.

Assange is however vaguely accused of having neglected a pet, species unknown.

‘Rainbow’ presenters Freddy, Jane and Rod have found a new fan in Julian Assange of Wikileaks.

Among the defamatory porkies banned by Wikileaks:

  • Julian Assange does not wash his feet.
  • He is stinky.
  • He bleaches his hair.
  • He reads the Daily Mail.
  • He spends his afternoons drinking himself into a stupor on J√§germeister, and watching old episodes of Blue Peter and Rainbow in a darkened room.